I Didn’t Want to Read the Bible
by Heather Perrin
I spent the first 15 years of my walk with Christ struggling to read my Bible. It was something I knew was important, that it was God’s Word and had profound meaning, and that it was how I could grow in my relationship with God. But whenever I tried, I mostly felt confused and discouraged. I read it in fits and spurts, usually after being reinspired by a camp or conference, but my desire always fizzled out after a few days or weeks. Or I could generally count on a handful of passages to cause an emotional response, but most of it just didn’t seem relevant.
I felt that I should be reading it, but I just didn’t want to. I loved God, I knew that in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection He had rescued me and made me His own beloved child, and I wanted to be obedient and faithful to Him. And so the guilt and shame of my apathy and confusion around the Bible seemed overwhelming.
That guilt and shame weren’t from God - He does not love me more when I read than when I don’t. The true gospel is that I am beloved and secure because of what Christ has done, not what I can do. And yet, it is right to desire to know God through His Word, and He tells us it is our very life (2 Timothy 3:16-17, Hebrews 4:12, Psalm 1). My guilt and shame weren’t the answer, but keeping my distance from the Bible wasn’t either.
In just the last few years, God has been gracious to put some circumstances in my path that have absolutely turned my apathy and confusion on their head. For the first time in my life, I enjoy reading the Bible. Don’t get me wrong, I still get confused, and I still sometimes choose to scroll Instagram rather than read it, but by God’s grace, my desires are different than they were five years ago. And a lot of it has to do with a couple of simple truths that I never truly understood.
1. The Bible is God’s self-revelation.
The doctrine of revelation means that God has made Himself known. Just because He is good, kind, and generous, He has chosen to tell us who He is. Think about it – this is the Creator and Sustainer of everything. The heavens and the earth, the galaxies and universes we can’t even find yet. He spoke and they came into being. And we are tiny, frail, feeble creatures on this square of the planet in 2022. He doesn’t have to reveal Himself, but He does. He is a God of abundant, self-giving love, and He wants to share Himself with us. It’s bananas. The only way we could know anything about Him is if He revealed it. And He does.
2. The Bible is a book about God.
This might seem obvious after the first point, but we actually don’t treat it this way. The Bible is a grand narrative about who God is and what He is doing in the world. God is the main character from beginning to end, but I spent years coming to the Bible and looking for a word for the day, a life application, an answer to a question, or a warm feeling to give me strength or encouragement. When we do this, we are reading it as though it is a book about us. And sometimes it does those things! God absolutely provides encouragement and strength through His Word. But when we don’t feel those things, we begin to think we’ve done something wrong, or that maybe the Bible isn’t working anymore. But really, we’re just asking it to do something it is not primarily intended to do. From beginning to end, the Bible reveals the marvelous, glorious, character of our God and His redeeming grace in Christ (Luke 22:44-45).
3. The Spirit illuminates our hearts to understand.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 says that Scripture is God-breathed. The very Spirit of God is the one who makes it living and active (Hebrews 4:12). And it is this same Spirit that opens our eyes to see it. While you and I are limited, distracted, selfish, and inward-focused, God’s Spirit is awakening our hearts to see Him in His Word. Yes, we should come to it as good students, working to understand the words as they have been written, but we never come to it on our own. We are always dependent on God to reveal Himself to us.
All three of these doctrines put us in a humble posture - this is God’s self-revelation. We cannot demand anything of Him. But He graciously reveals Himself to us, wants to be known by us, and helps us understand. We never stand above the Word demanding it to tell us who God is. We always stand under the Word, asking God to teach us and reveal Himself to us. This is a relationship with a person, not an impersonal, academic discipline or a dry duty.
I hope you come to the Bible with renewed zeal. As you do, keep these three things in mind:
My standing with God is wholly secure in the person and work of Christ when I put my faith in Him, not in my obedience or lack thereof. I am free to seek Him in grateful response to His extravagant love for me.
This book tells me who God is. Start there. Look for His character and His actions in every passage.
I am wholly dependent on Him, and He has promised to help me.
Trust that as you read, He will teach you and shape you more and more into His image.
If you, like me, feel confused or out of step with your Bible, I hope you will join us for New City Women’s How to Read the Bible class beginning in January. We will talk more about these doctrines, what the Bible is and isn’t, and teach tools that you can carry with you as you read the Bible for the rest of your life. We are co-learners, working to help one another grow in our love for Christ and our obedience to Him through His Word.
I hope you will join us!