You Gotta Have Friends

by Ross Weaver

I have never been a people person really. I would be perfectly content living in a cabin in the mountains completely isolated from society. If you don’t believe me, ask my beautiful bride. God knew what he was doing when he blessed me with Molly, because if I want to stay with her (which I do very much), off-grid cabin living isn’t in the cards. She has always pushed me to pursue friendships with other guys (much to my annoyance). Friendships are complicated, they take work, people are difficult to deal with sometimes, and it is a commitment. Despite this, and much to my chagrin, Molly is right. We need friends. 

God designed us for relationships, with himself first and foremost, and with others. Even those of us who are not naturally inclined to friendship can feel our need when we are in a crowd of people and feel utterly and totally alone. We aren’t designed to be lone rangers. We were made by a relational God and intended to have whole, diverse, satisfying relationships that reflect His character.

What is Christian friendship?

There are many scriptures that describe what a friend is or does and these are just a few among the many:

Proverbs 17:17 states, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”. 

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” John 15:13. 

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” Proverbs 18:24. 

From these verses, there are some key elements of friendship we can glean. A friend always loves, is willing to lay down his/her life, sticks closer than a brother, is not measured by numbers, and is born for adversity or times of struggle. If we stop here and our takeaway is that a friend is someone who has our back, loves us unconditionally, and is there to support us, we will have a great foundation to begin to build a friendship but will not reach God’s design for biblical friendship.  

Let’s look at two more very important verses as we put together this puzzle of biblical friendship.

“Iron sharpens iron, and so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17  

“For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you-that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.” Romans 1:11-12

Friendships are designed to be an active part of our sanctification. Friendships should work like spiritual rock tumblers; we each have rough spots that godly friendships help to buff out until the rough areas are gone and we are shaped more closely to the likeness of Jesus. This will not happen if we surround ourselves with “friends” who tickle our ears and tell us what we want to hear.

We should be surrounded by and seeking friendships with others who will rebuke us in love when we are wrong, support us when we are weak, and point us to the loving arms of Jesus when times are hard. And we should do the same for our friends. Iron sharpens Iron. As Paul points out in Romans, friendship is designed to strengthen our faith, to point to our heavenly Father, and to help us live life more abundantly in Christ.

David and Jonathan

When I think of an example in the Bible, of what true friendship looks like, I think of David and Jonathan.

“As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.” 1 Samuel 18:1

“Then Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was on him and gave it to David, and his armor and even his sword and his bow and his belt.” 1 Samuel 18:3-4

David and Jonathan had a friendship like no other; they were brothers in arms and fiercely devoted to each other. Jonathan went against his father, King Saul, many times to keep David safe and openly told David he knew he (David) would be King over Israel. Not only did Jonathan gladly give up his birthright, his inherited kingship, to his friend David defying the will of his earthly father, he went a step further saying he would be right there with him. (1 Samuel 23:15-17)

I have been blessed to have earthly friendships like this in my lifetime. I can truthfully say I would not be the man I am today without the friendships of these two men. They have my back it is true, but they also have my soul’s back. Men of God were there for me at different times of my life, and our friendships remain in the same state to this day. Both of these men are brothers in arms, examples of loving one as your own soul, wanting the best for each other, and pointing each other to the Father. 

You Need Christian Friendship

You may have never experienced this kind of friendship, but it is available to you. There is one that has done this for you, though you may not know it. 

He left his inherited throne, was born of a virgin into a sinful world, lived a perfect life that we could not live, died a horrible death that we rightfully deserved, paying the penalty for our past, present, and future sin, defeated sin and death and rose triumphantly on the third day and is now at the right hand of our Heavenly Father. His name is Jesus. He is the truest friend you will ever know. Without a heart at rest in His love, our earthly friendships will be a revolving door of disappointment and longing.

But He has also made you for relationships. While we won’t experience pain-free, perfect relationships in this world, it is essential that we do the hard work of building friendships. Our brothers and sisters need our care, defense, encouragement, and sharpening, and we need theirs. Friendship is hard work, but it is worth it. By God’s grace and because of what Jesus has done, we can seek to be a friend that sticks closer than a brother. And by that same grace, we can build Christian friendship to bear us up and spur us on as we walk with Christ.