How to Talk to Your Kids about Baptism
In the last several months, we have had the joy of celebrating the baptism of several children in our New City Family. If you were with us on one of those Sundays, you know we clap and cheer and rejoice (and weep!) as that little person comes up out of the water. What a beautiful picture of God’s amazing salvation.
Whenever we practice baptism, especially when the person is a child, we naturally have questions from partners and visitors alike. Who can be baptized? Should my child be doing this? When is the right time? How do I know if they’re ready?
There are a variety of views on how baptism should be practiced, more than we can cover here, but I want to offer some insight on how and why we baptize children and hopefully give some helpful tips to parents as you discern your child’s interest in it.
What is baptism?
In Matthew 28, after His resurrection, Jesus gave these final words to His disciples before He ascended to Heaven:
“All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matt 28:18-20)
In light of all Jesus has just done - His perfect life, sacrificial death, and victorious resurrection - Jesus tells His followers that their job is to go throughout the earth, making disciples, baptizing, and teaching them. Baptism is a core tenet of the Christian life - it is what marks a person as a disciple and follower of Jesus, and it is an act of obedience to Him. As the disciples followed Jesus’ words and began proclaiming the gospel and making disciples throughout the nations, they regularly baptized new believers (Acts 2:41; 8:12; 10:47; 16:30-34).
Baptism is a symbol or a picture. It is a public profession that I have died with Christ and have been raised with Him to new life. It is a beautiful, meaningful picture of the believer’s new life in Christ and a celebration of joining the family of believers. As a person goes into the water, they are symbolically buried with Christ in his death and then raised to new life just as Christ rose from the grave. Baptism does not save us, it reflects the salvation that has already occurred in the heart of the believer. While it symbolizes the cleansing from sin we experience in salvation, the water itself does not make us clean. The only thing that can make us pure is faith in what Jesus has done for us.
Salvation is by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone (Ephesians 2:4). There is no work or action we can do to receive or earn salvation. All that is required to be saved is that we repent of (turn from) our sin and believe the gospel - that Jesus lived, died, and rose to give us new life with Him (Romans 10:9). He paid the debt we owed for our sin and offers His perfect righteousness to those who put their faith and trust in Him. Baptism does not earn salvation because nothing can.
Who should be baptized?
Believers! The New Testament pattern is that those who profess faith in Jesus are baptized, often immediately, as a sign of their new life in Christ. Historically, the church has practiced this in many different ways, but the principle is that anyone who professes faith in Jesus as their Lord and Savior receive baptism as a celebration of that salvation.
At New City, we believe that this includes children. The Bible does not give specific instructions on how old a person can be before they believe in Jesus, and in fact, Jesus tells us that those who will enter the kingdom of God must have faith like a child (Matt 18:2-4). He tells his disciples, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt 19:14) Jesus is teaching His followers that the requirements for entry into His kingdom are simple, humble, faith, of which children are certainly capable.
So we believe that if a child has an understanding of the gospel, has put their faith in Jesus, and wants to follow Him in baptism, we will not hinder them.
Discerning Childlike Faith
One reason many churches and denominations have different regulations about the baptism of children is that they want to be sure to know that the profession of faith is credible or genuine. We want to know that the person being baptized has a true understanding of the gospel - that they know baptism is an outward picture of an inward salvation. This is an understandable concern and one that parents should consider as they talk with their children about baptism.
While we don’t want to keep our children from baptism, we do want to shepherd and guide them as they exercise their new faith. Our primary role as parents is to teach and disciple our children, training them in the way of the Lord, and by God’s grace partnering with the Spirit in His work in their lives.
Conversion and baptism are not the finish line of the Christian life that we must race to - they are just the starting point. Our job as parents is to faithfully disciple our kids in the gospel of Jesus, training them in the truth of who God is and what He has done for us, and pray that the Holy Spirit will do the internal work of salvation only He can do.
Talking with Your Kids
The most important thing to remember as you talk with your kids about baptism is that baptism follows faith in Jesus. It can be difficult for small children who are concrete thinkers to not associate the act of baptism with being washed or cleansed, as if that event is what saves them. This is understandable! This is why it is all the more important that we are having regular gospel conversations with our kids. When our primary message to our kids is the gospel, that we are saved by faith in Jesus, baptism easily follows. We’re showing people what has happened in our hearts because we trust in Jesus. If they say something like baptism will make them good or saved, we gently remind them, “no honey, the only way we can be right with God is by putting all of our trust in what Jesus has done for us!” And then continue to have that conversation a million more times.
When our kids sin (or when they are sinned against), we remind them that we are all sinners in need of rescue. We tell them that our sin separates us from the God who loves us but that Jesus came to save us from that sin and bring us back to God.
Jesus lived the perfect life we can’t, then he died the death we deserve for our sin, taking all of the punishment so we don’t have to. Then he rose from the grave! He defeated sin and death forever. All we need to do is believe this is true and put our trust in Jesus as the only way to save us.
Talking about salvation with kids can feel intimidating, but the regular repetition of these gospel truths is the best foundation we can lay. When we discipline, when they fail, when we fail them, when we see victory over sin - these are all everyday opportunities to teach our kids the gospel. And when that gospel brings them salvation, we rejoice with them in baptism.
If your child is curious about baptism after seeing one at church - Answer their questions! Don’t be afraid to give big answers to big questions. Tell them that it is a picture of what Jesus has done for us and that it is a way for a person to tell the whole world that they love and follow Jesus. Talk about your own baptism, and tell them baptism is not what saves us, but it is one way we can be obedient to Christ once He has made us His children.
If your child professes faith but doesn’t want to be baptized - Don’t worry. This is likely from fear of the water or immaturity. We are not in a race to get our children baptized by a certain benchmark, so we can continue to disciple them faithfully, treating them as believers and praying for the Holy Spirit to bear fruit in their lives. We can reassure them that baptism is nothing to be afraid of, continue to expose them to baptisms, and wait for them to be ready to obey Christ in this way.
If your child is asking to be baptized - Celebrate with them, and ask good questions! As their parent, your role is to be their primary teacher and disciple-maker in these early years, so you are best equipped to discern if their faith is genuine. Has your child been demonstrating the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:28-29)? Do they show a desire to know and follow God? Do they understand their sin and need for a Savior? No new believer will demonstrate these things perfectly or fully, and there is no “test” to pass before baptism, so look for growing fruit rather than perfect obedience. We want to observe and discern if this is the fruit of a genuine conversion or a desire to do something novel like their friends or to please us. We don’t want to teach our kids that there is something in addition to belief in Christ that saves them and qualifies them for baptism, we just want to gently ask if they understand the gospel they are professing to believe. Depending on the age of the child, you could ask questions like these (depending on the age of the child, the answers will vary! Listen for the gospel):
Why do you want to be baptized? Because I love Jesus and want to tell the world that I belong to Him!
What is sin? Who sins? Sin is wrong choices, disobedience, rebellion. Everyone sins and is separated from God because of sin.
How can we be made right with God? Who can save us? Only Jesus can save us and make us right with God.
What did Jesus do for sinners? Why did He have to do that? Jesus died on the cross to take the punishment for our sins, then He rose from the dead!
Do we need to be good before Jesus will save us? No! Jesus died for sinners like us, and He makes us good because He is good.
What is baptism? Baptism is telling the whole world that Jesus has saved me and I want to love and follow Him.
Listen for answers that reflect the true gospel, and if misunderstandings come up gently help your children see them. If they don’t seem to have a clear understanding of the gospel, salvation, or baptism, spend some time over the next few days and weeks teaching them these things. Tell them you’re going to spend time together looking at what the Bible says about how we can be saved, and that you can talk more about baptism after that. (Take a look at our Kids Resource Shelves if you want a resource to walk through together!)
If you feel fear or anxiety about “getting this right,” I want to encourage you: God is faithful. He will not lose a single one of His children because you or I didn’t ask the right questions or say the right things. Our job is to be faithful and wise shepherds of our children, but they are always primarily under the care of the Good Shepherd. And He will not lose a single one of His sheep. We can rest and entrust them to His care and His timing.