A Slow Kill
by Rachel Bunn
I can feel my pride taking hold of my heart lately. It’s a slow kill, almost imperceptible. On the outside, it looks like diligently working hard, taking control of my task list with a frenzy, and brushing off compliments. But on the inside, it looks like working in a frenzy to prove a point, taking control because no one else will do it like I can, and being agitated that the acknowledgment didn’t come quicker. I do not think I am the only one.
Pride can be defined as exaggerated self-esteem. Biblically, pride is elevating one’s opinions and thoughts above God’s authoritative Word. God has a lot to say about pride in His Word. God is vehemently opposed to anyone exalting oneself over God and His commands, because He is the only one with perfect knowledge and rule, and any other path leads to death. Proverbs tells us that “toward the scorners He is scornful, but to the humble he gives favor” (Proverbs 3:34 ESV). In the very beginning, we see that Satan, the one who was cast out of heaven because of his own pride (Isaiah 14:12-15), tempted Adam and Eve with the lie that they should oppose God and eat of the fruit of the tree of knowing good and evil because they would be “like God” (Genesis 3:4-5). Because of their disobedience, all of humanity and all of creation were broken and separated from our Holy Creator. Pride would forever infect God’s people.
In this broken world and because of our sinfulness, we can allow our pride to take the lead in almost every area of our lives. Though we may not say out loud “I want to be God”, our actions will say otherwise. We would love to be sovereign, all-knowing, all-powerful, and in control. We want to be god in our marriages, our workplaces, in parenting, and even our churches. It is so easy to believe the lie, exalt ourselves, and take a bite.
In my own life, there are three main ways that pride shows itself. By God’s grace, the Holy Spirit is convicting me recognize when my heart needs rescuing from my pride:
Irritability - I am almost certainly thinking of myself too highly when I am easily irritated by trials, other people, or needs. My immediate response of aggravation is a sure sign that my plan, ego, or comfort is more important than it should be.
Lack of prayer - When I am not prioritizing humbling myself before the Lord in prayers of repentance and for guidance, I am functionally believing that I do not need God. I can figure this out/fix it/control it. I’ve got this; just watch me.
Withdrawal from Community - Since I am already irritated and I am not seeking God’s forgiveness and help, I will tend to distance myself from other people. In this context, it is not a distance to rest thoughtfully, so that I can serve people well again. No, this withdrawal is pretentious. I do not want to be confronted and held accountable, and instead, would rather sit on my lonely throne, justifying every prideful thought and act to myself.
So that’s the bad news. But thank God, there is good news.
God’s unwavering love for His creation, and His mission to transform believers and give them a heart like His means I do not have to be a slave to my pride. In perfect humility, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, was born as a baby, lived the life of a servant, died the death of a prisoner, and was resurrected to life three days later by the power of the Holy Spirit, defeating death, sin, and Satan. Christ was exalted to the right hand of the Father in heaven. All this to save a proud human like me. And like you. By believing this good news, we are saved by God’s gift of grace and made children of the Most High King, through Jesus.
So, what do I do with this good news? First, my pride and God’s holiness should always bring me to my knees. In humble repentance, I pray David’s prayer, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love…wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin…create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51: 1-10, paraphrased). Then I look to Jesus.
In His perfect life, He accomplished all righteousness on my behalf. He was perfectly humble, perfectly submissive to His Father’s good will. And His perfect record is mine because of His great love. I am declared righteous even while I struggle to walk in step with that truth, and He is at work transforming me more and more into His image. He the one I look to when I’m faced with my own pride.
Jesus and Pride
The Gospels often refer to Jesus having tremendous compassion for others, not irritability (Matthew 9:36, Matthew 14:14; Matthew 15:32). Jesus was not irritated at anything getting in his way, at any people on his path, nor any needs that were brought before him, no matter how broken. Jesus is also not irritated at me when I fail or when I tend to forget him and focus on myself. My flesh is weak as I pretend to be mighty, and the Holy Spirit reminds and refines my soul to humble myself and find peace (Romans 8:1-6).
Jesus was always in perfect communion with his Father, praying to God and seeking His will. God made Jesus a man of prayer his entire life on Earth. Jesus also teaches us how to pray by first honoring our Father and to humbly recognize our neediness (Luke 11:2-4). I must imitate my Savior and seek God in prayer regularly, acknowledging His goodness and might, in stark contrast to my sinfulness. Through Jesus, I can also be assured that God hears my prayers and is working all things for His glory and my good.
While I may withdraw from community in pride, Jesus surrounded himself with his Apostles, other disciples, and followers. He moved toward even the most unlikely, unlovable people. Dane Ortlund writes: “when Jesus Christ sees the fallenness of the world all about him, his deepest impulse, his most natural instinct, is to move toward that sin and suffering, not away from it” (Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers). Jesus, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but humbled himself, by taking the form of a servant and dying on a cross for broken sinners (Philippians 2:5-7, paraphrased). Jesus does not move away from people in arrogance but draws near to us in mercy and love.
Because of the Gospel, I can surrender to Christ and submit to God’s good and rightful authority over my life. I can serve others, not to bring myself glory, but to glorify God. I can pray with confidence and receive peace from communion with God. I can move toward community with humility that I do not always have my life together and, hope this would give them the freedom to not have theirs together either. Mr. Blackeslee in Cold Sassy Tree said: “Best fool knows he’s a fool”. Won’t you join me in repenting of our pride and admit we are nothing without the goodness of God? Then, by the power of the Holy Spirit, let’s live lives marked by humility and faith, and look forward to that “well done, good and faithful servant” in Glory: something to truly be proud of.