The Gospel and Friendship
by John Sheeley
I have a confession to make, and maybe you can relate. The one area of jealousy I struggle with most is watching those who can easily create and keep relationships with various people. I'm not talking about a couple's romantic relationship or even the person who "knows" everyone in town. The people I sometimes find myself jealous of are those who can build genuine relationships with other people and keep them going strong.
This has always been one of my biggest struggles, and I'm confident I'm not alone. People like me might know thousands of people yet have actual relationships with only a few, or even none. Relationships take time. They make us vulnerable to a myriad of dangers like rejection and pain. Finding those people that we connect with and building those lasting relationships is a struggle for so many of us in the world.
The only place this has been different is within my time of fellowship among other followers of Jesus Christ. Since that day long ago when I realized the full import of the gospel message, the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, those within the church are the ones to whom I can genuinely relate on a level like no other place.
Paul and Philemon
You may be surprised at how much the Bible speaks about relationships with other people. For example, the letter the Apostle Paul wrote to his friend Philemon is one of the shortest books of the bible (in third place with only 335 words in the original language). Yet, it has profound comments regarding relationships and how the gospel relates to our relationships. The letter brings out ideas about affirming others’ godly character, reconciliation between people in conflict, being responsible to others, and ultimately being accepting of others.
Early in his letter, Paul writes,
“I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.” (Philemon 4–7)
As with many of his letters, Paul was in prison when he wrote the letter, so it would have been easy for him to focus on his own hardships. However, Paul understood that his life was no longer about himself, that the work of Christ in someone's life is only half accomplished if it stops with the person. Paul's letter doesn't focus on himself, but because of his relationship with Christ, Paul focuses on Philemon’s love for Christ and other believers, and Philemon's relationship with his former servant, who betrayed him and stole from him.
When I think of the great byproducts of the church and what the body of Christ offers the world, I think of the relationships within. Some believe relationships have three ways of being expressed, outwardly with others as we go about our lives, inwardly as we deal with our self-worth, and upwardly. It is this last expression that so many are missing because they do not know Jesus Christ as Lord. But the gospel changes that. It enables us to enter that upward relationship with the Father through the Lord Jesus Christ.
This last direction is the most critical. Without that upward relationship, we can never be adequately related to others or ourselves. The gospel informs us of how valuable we are to God and how we can be in that personal relationship with him.
What do we learn about Christian relationships from Paul’s words to his friend?
Paul recognizes Philemon for his Christian character, displayed by his love and faith for Jesus and the saints. It is so easy to point out what others have done wrong. Finding fault in things doesn't take much work when considering the materials we work with every day. We are all broken people with a tendency to let one another down. Paul doesn’t do that with Philemon even though he easily could. What Paul does in his letter is show affirmation of Philemon’s character, accepting him for who he is, yet also holding him accountable like you can in a solid relationship.
Paul’s letter is meant to refresh and restore the relationship between Onesimus and Philemon. He is writing to encourage Philemon to forgive and receive Onesimus (the runaway slave) into his home as a brother, not as a slave. Legally, Philemon had every right to find Onesimus and have him put to death, but Paul urges him to act counter-culturally and sacrificially. This speaks to us even today. We are to refresh each other's hearts. Part of the reason we gather as a body of believers is to help restore one another after being bombarded by the culture around us throughout the week. We need to be rejuvenated and refreshed to be effective in living out our faith to the glory of God. I thank God for the fellow believers who brought relief and restoration to our lives over the years.
Encouragement is a critical part of a fellowship with each other. The church should be a place of healing and welcome. A place where people can feel safe with one another because they share that relationship with Christ. Those who are encouraged by their faith are to inspire others. Those who find comfort in Christ are to comfort others. Because of the gospel, we can comfort and encourage one another.
Philemon isn’t the only place we see this idea stressed. The author of Hebrews wrote, “But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” In one of his other letters, Paul advised the church in Thessalonica, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”
More importantly, when we consider the gospel message of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection we are encouraged. Knowing Jesus also gives us a desire to build those relationships with others when we realize Jesus came so that we could have a relationship with our Creator who loves us sacrificially.