Praying As The Real Me

by Rhett Pritchett

I stink at prayer. At least that’s my critical assessment of my prayer life. I’m already off base, because I’m talking about prayer like it’s a task to master as opposed to a conversation to be enjoyed with my Heavenly Father.

My problem isn’t talking about prayer. I can talk about prayer in a way that checks all the correct theological boxes. I can tell you that prayer is a gift given to those who through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus have been given the right to be called children of God. It’s a conversation with our Father and we have assurance that our prayers made in Jesus’ name have royal access to His throne of grace. It really isn’t that hard for me to talk about prayer. It’s incredibly hard for me to sustain prayer in a way that is free and conversational.

I honestly get so twisted up about prayer that sometimes, I just give up and sit there silently taking solace in the fact the Holy Spirit prays for me according to the will of God with groanings too deep for words (Rom. 8:26-27). There is nothing wrong with that, the whole point of that verse is to encourage us when we don’t even know what to pray. I guess, I just don’t want to stay there. I want a life-giving, conversational prayer life, where I look forward to the time spent with the Father and Son.

I think about God all the time and read about God all the time. I just struggle to pray to God all the time. It probably bothers me more than anything about my discipleship, that or fear of man. There are times when it’s been good, especially during seasons of intense suffering. That bothers me too though, why do I drift so quickly when things are going well? Shouldn’t I enjoy talking with Jesus in any circumstance? I also have moments when I plan times to go walk and pray, in my mind I am going to have rich communion with God for a hour. Often, despite my grand intentions, I am 10 minutes in and have no idea what to talk about anymore, or my mind starts racing and I’m thinking about random things instead of actually praying. It really drives me crazy.

I came across this quote in Where Prayer Becomes Real by Kyle Strobel and John Coe, “If you want a boring prayer life, spend it trying to be good in prayer rather than being honest.” That stopped me in my tracks. That is precisely what I do. I so often go to God pretending to be someone else. I have this idealized version of me that exists only in my mind. He’s more mature, more brave, and cares about things that someone more mature and less selfish than me would care about.

There’s a huge problem with this: it’s not the real me. It is a fake version of me. No wonder I run out of things to say! I am pretending to be someone else. As I think about this quote, I realize how much I need the truth of the gospel to daily transform my heart and renew my mind. At New City, we talk about the difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge and the gap that often exists between right belief and our actual functional belief. For example, above I was able to link prayer to my privilege as an adopted child of God and the free access I have to approach him through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus. I genuinely believe that is true. Functionally however, I’m not praying like it’s true. I genuinely believe that I have been reconciled to the Father through the work of Jesus; that gives me tremendous security. However, when it comes to prayer, the implications of the gospel that have given me assurance of salvation have not worked their way into my prayer life.

Strobel and Coe go on to say, “For a good portion of our Christian lives, prayer did not make much sense. But that wasn’t our main problem. Our problem was that we weren’t being honest about it. We pretended that prayer made sense, but it didn’t. Prayer was dry, boring, and, while we’re really being honest, something we avoided at all cost. Prayer at meals was fine. A quick prayer for others was great. But being with God in the deep realities of life felt like wandering in a desert. Oddly, we never considered telling God how alienating prayer seemed.”

That is right on in my experience, as much as it pains me to say it. I love to study and meditate on scripture and I love to talk about Jesus with brothers and sisters. I struggle so much to sustain prayer and be open and honest with God about the things that are in the deep places of my heart. Again, this all about faith in the truth of who God is, what He has done, and who I am in Christ.

The truth is, I’m free to go to Him and be the real me. Why? Because he already accepts me in Christ! I don’t have to pretend or take on some alter ego. He doesn’t want that anyway! He wants the real me! The real me is who Jesus died for, when I was “yet a sinner”, spiritually dead and at my absolute low. If the Father sent the Son for me, while I was far away, and through Him has brought me near, I know he wants to be with me and hear from me. The real me!

So, what if I really believed this? What would be the fruit of this faith? I’d talk to him openly about my fears and my desires. I’d tell him honestly when I don’t want the good things that He wants for me, instead of pretending I do (like I could fool Him). I’d ask Him to change the things in me I could never fix on my own. I’m going to start today. Pray for me, that my faith in the good news of who God is and what He has done in Christ would work its way into my prayer life. I’ll pray for you too, that you would take the real you to the Father and let Him work in you.

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Death and Doing: How Not to Save Your Dying Church