Prayer Is Simple (And Also It’s Not)
by Heather Perrin
But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.
Matthew 6:6-8
Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving. At the same time, pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, to declare the mystery of Christ, on account of which I am in prison— that I may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak.
Colossians 4:2-4
Prayer is quite simply communication with God. As we pray, we are being with Jesus, experiencing Him as our great reward. In prayer, we contemplate God, thank Him, praise Him, confess our sins, feelings, and desires to Him, and ask Him for our needs, as well as for the needs of others. When we pray, we engage in fellowship with God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. We should pray to God in private and communally. Jesus prayed often to His Father in Heaven, many times in public as well as in solitude.
Prayer is simple. It’s just talking with God.
On the one hand, yes. By definition, prayer is conversation with God, and that definition is simple. It doesn’t require a lot of know-how or any special skills or tools; it is talking with God. I’m teaching my children about prayer in exactly this way. The title of one of our favorite books about prayer is Any Time, Any Place, Any Prayer, and the premise is just that! God wants to hear us and we can come to him any time. This is gloriously true because Jesus has made us sons and daughters through His life, death, and resurrection. Hallelujah!
But it’s also not that simple. If you’ve ever prayed earnestly, faithfully, passionately for God to work in a situation and still saw things fall to pieces, you understand that “prayer is simple” isn’t the whole story.
I asked God to heal my sister's cancer.
I wept to God to give us a baby.
I asked God to end the war, suffering, and abuse in the world.
I tried to listen to God, but I only ever felt cold silence in response.
These aren’t my stories exactly, and I don’t know yours, but I’m sure you can at least see the face of a friend in one of these petitions and feel the knot in your stomach as you remember the complexity of wrestling in prayer.
Very often, our definition (our theology) doesn’t match our experience. I confess these things about what prayer is, but in my own life, I often feel a disconnect between what I believe and what it is actually like to talk with God. That doesn’t change what is true, but my knowing what prayer is or can be also doesn’t just change what actually happens in our relationship. I know that confessing and apologizing when I’ve been rude to my husband is the right and loving thing to do, but knowing that doesn’t automatically make it easy to do.
Prayer is participating in a real relationship with the sovereign, all-powerful, triune God who spoke all creation into existence. It is an actual conversation between one who is limited, short-sighted, and marred by sin and One who is infinitely wise, perfectly good, and knows the end from the beginning.
It’s not simple. It’s confusing and painful and rich and exhilarating. It brings us to tears - both good ones and bad.
The all-knowing, sovereign ruler of the universe invites me to talk to him openly, boldly, and continually (Matt 7:7-11, Ephesians 6:18, 1 John 5:14-15). From beginning to end, the Bible is shot through with the call to come to God with all that we are, and because of the work of Jesus, He is ready and waiting to listen and respond. That is awe-inspiring.
But I still experience the gap between Jesus’ words and my actual prayer life. I ask God for salvation for people I love, for healing and life and restoration – things I know He delights in! And often I hear nothing in response. That’s not simple. It can be heartbreaking. I desire to seek His face, to enjoy His presence, and I often find my mind wandering into what I’m supposed to do next, getting up from prayer just as spiritually dry as when I sat down. My lived experience doesn’t seem to match my theology.
As much as I like to understand how things work, I have to accept that there are many things about God and His world that I just won’t fully grasp. I think prayer is one of those things. I often get really discouraged because I don’t understand why God doesn’t seem to hear me, or why it feels like He doesn’t care. And when I do, there are two places in Scripture that reorient me and help me to persevere in prayer.
The Lord’s Prayer
In all four gospels, Jesus demonstrates prayer for His disciples as He regularly seeks solitude and time with His Father and as He prays in front of them. In Matthew and Luke, we get the most famous teaching of Jesus on prayer; we call it “The Lord’s Prayer.”
Pray then like this:
“Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. (Matthew 6:9-13)
There are whole books written on these 5 verses, but when I am lost and confused in prayer and it feels like God is on the other side of the cosmos attending to more important matters, I remind myself that Jesus told us to pray to “Our Father.” Most scholars will tell you that a better translation is actually “Papa” or “Daddy,” the word a child would use. Jesus uses an affectionate, familial name and He instructs His disciples to do the same.
In many ways, Jesus’ example prayer is simple. He relates to God as a loving Dad, recalls His holiness, and submits to His purposes. Then he asks for his needs to be met, models confession and forgiveness, and asks for protection. You don’t have to pray these words exactly, but it wouldn’t hurt. Using Jesus’ words can begin to shape your own understanding of God, your needs, and how He is at work in you and in the world.
For me, praying Jesus’ simple, humble, and intimate words to the Father can remind me that He cares for me and wants me to come to Him. Regardless of whether or not I understand it.
2. The Psalms
The second place that I cling to when I am confused in prayer is the Psalms. This massive collection of prayers, poems, and songs is an epic display of human emotion and conversation with God. The psalms remind me that I can bring my full self to God, not just the “acceptable” bits. I can cry, I can question, I can feel fear and anger and despair. He is big enough.
In his book Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools, Tyler Staton writes, “God is looking for relationship, not well-prepared speeches spoken from perfect motives.” I must come to God with my real self if I have any hope of being healed, changed, and transformed. I cannot bring the “clean” version. That person isn’t real, and you can’t have a relationship with a cartoon.
There are many ways to pray with the psalms, but my favorite is to write them little by little and pray in response. I will find a psalm that resonates with me and write one verse down. Then I will write my own prayer along the lines of that verse. I’m not trying to be poetic or creative, I’m just praying in honest response to the words of the psalm. Then I continue through the psalm as long as I’m able.
The Bible is so saturated with prayers to imitate, prayers to learn from, and stories that teach us what prayer is like. But these two places reorient my confused, distracted mind to the great reality of prayer: that the one true God of all things loves me and invites me into a real, living relationship.
Prayer is personal, conversational, spontaneous, and vital. But it is also a discipline. It needs to be practiced. I need to actually pray in order to move through the dry, doubt-ridden, dark nights of the soul. All of the disciplines are practices (things we do) that, in partnership with the Spirit, have a cumulative effect on our spiritual lives. If I practice apologizing quickly when I am wrong, I will in time do that more and more easily. If I practice talking to God when it feels hard or weird or insincere, I will, in time, come to find that it is sweet, natural, and joyful.
My encouragement for you as you pursue prayer is to keep doing it. When it feels empty, when you think you’re doing it wrong, and when you are afraid to risk being disappointed again. The triune God of the universe loves you and gave Himself for you. He is patiently, tenderly, lovingly calling you to come to Him. All of you, not just the acceptable parts. Come to Him.
“Pray as you can, and somewhere along the way, you will make the most important discovery of your life—the love the Father has for you. That discovery is God’s end of the deal. Your part is just to show up honestly. Show up, and keep showing up. That’s the one nonnegotiable when it comes to prayer.”
― Tyler Staton, Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools: An Invitation to the Wonder and Mystery of Prayer
You can find more recommended practices and resources about prayer here.