Prayer Begins with Friendship

by Mary Beth Wood

In Mary Shelley’s famous work Frankenstein, we read the story of a being who is created - but in a crude way. The being is made by a creature made by God, rather than being created by God himself. But just like the creatures God himself created, the creation longs for friendship and companionship, to know and be known. 

In the story, the creature observes a little family communing in their cottage. He is moved to love by their beauty and mutual care and affection for each other:

“The gentle manners and beauty of the cottagers greatly endeared them to me: when they were unhappy, I felt depressed; when they rejoiced, I sympathized in their joys.” 

For a time, he is content to observe and calls them friends as he grows to know and understand them: 

“They loved and sympathized with one another; and their joys, depending on each other, were not interrupted by the casualties that took place around them.” 

He is content for a time, but then realizes that for him to experience the happiness they feel in each other’s companionship, they must not only be known by him, but he must be known by them.  For them to be his true friends, the affection must be mutual. 

“My heart yearned to be known and loved by these amiable creatures; to see their sweet looks directed towards me with affection was the utmost limit of my ambition.” 

He is sorely disappointed when, upon his attempts to be known by them, they despise him for his monstrous form, and he flees into the mountains – forever alone. 

Mankind was created for communion – for friendship. While Mary Shelley did not love and follow God, she nearly put the words of Paul in the monster’s mouth: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15). While we were made for friendship with one another, more importantly, we were made for friendship with God. 

Enoch was said to have “walked with God” (Genesis 5:5).  To “walk with” someone, was a Hebrew metaphor for friendship. Noah and Levi were also examples of men – fallen and sinful, who “walked with God.”  While it doesn’t say explicitly in Genesis that Adam and Eve walked with God “in the cool of the day,” there is an implication that God regularly “walked” in friendship with Adam and Eve in the cool of the day prior to the fall. The longing Frankenstein’s monster felt for communion, connection, friendship, to know and be known, was a natural longing for the communion we were created for.  Communion with God.  

What a Friend We Have

Jesus says in John 15,

“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from the Father I have made known to you.  You did not choose me, but I chose you [...].” 

Jesus sought us out and disclosed the fullness of God to us. Jesus defines friendship here as a mutual sharing, a knowing and being known. True friends are people you can be known by. People you can disclose the good and bad parts of your fallen nature to, for mutual encouragement, building up, exhortation, and love.  

Jesus also defines friendship as deliberate: “but I chose you...”. You can’t choose your family, and they will just be around, regardless of business and seasons of hardship. But friendship involves choosing to pursue someone deliberately. To know and be known, to love when we are lovely and when we are monstrous.  

The problem is that we, like Frankenstein’s monster, have been made monstrous by the fall. We can’t even observe our creator, the perfect Holy God, in our monstrous state. And God in his holy state can’t look upon us. Friendship has been severed, and we, like Frankenstein, realizing we were made for mutual affection and love, despair: “Cursed creator!  Why did I live?" 

Separation from God, and the communion and friendship with Him we are intended for, is death. But God.  “[...] but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”  (Romans 5:8). While we were monstrous, God, longing to know and be known by us his creation, to share community, joy, life, and friendship with us, sent himself to make us lovely.  

Friendship Restored

Jesus goes on to say in John 15, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.”  Jesus defines friendship as mutual disclosure, deliberate, and being willing to lay down even your life for the love of your friends. 

Hebrews 10:19-20 states “Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh...” Because of Jesus’ body, like the temple curtain, rent in two, revealing to us the Holy of Holies, because of his friendship toward us in laying down his life for his friends, we are able to mutually look upon one another in affection and adoration. Before the cross in our monstrous state, God could not even look upon us in his state of perfect beauty and holiness, however through God’s supreme act of friendship toward us, in the laying down of his life, we can forever gaze on each other with mutual love and affection.

And that is where prayer begins. Prayer begins with friendship with God through the rent body of Jesus, and the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit. Friendship with God is where the desire to know and be known, to disclose and deliberately seek Him begins. When we approach prayer from this place, knowing the gift of the gospel and the deliberate friendship he has died to accomplish, and knowing he delights in knowing us, prayer takes on an entirely different motive. 

We are approaching our dear friend. Our friend who delights in our joy and weeps when we weep (Psalm 34:17-18, Hebrews 4:15). Our friend who is our help in times of trouble, who loved us before we were capable of loving, our friend who lay down his life, calling us friend while we were still monstrous. This is who we go to for the truest friendship. He has disclosed the secrets of himself through Jesus, and He longs to bring us into the perfect community of love and joy bound up in himself.

This year’s New City Women Spiritual Disciplines Retreat will focus on the discipline of Prayer. Taking place April 19-21 in Cleveland, GA, we will spend a weekend together seeking to grow in our ongoing, lifelong conversation with God. To find out more and register, click the button below!