Peace for the Waiting
by Amanda Christopher
Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” John 13:7
I read these words of Jesus a couple weeks ago, as I sat in a period of uncertainty and waiting. I had been experiencing a physical issue for a few weeks that led to multiple diagnostic tests and, though the chances of cancer were low, a biopsy to rule it out.
The possibility of cancer, no matter how small, is scary. While I waited and anticipated the tests, I felt like I had to put my life on hold, just in case. During those 2ish weeks, committing to anything 2 or 3 weeks in the future included an internal caveat- “….as long as I don’t have cancer.”
So as you can probably imagine, my anxiety levels were pretty high. There were times it was overwhelming, and I’d feel sick. I would pray, “God help me.” I would repeat the things I know to be true to myself: God loves me, He sees me, He knows my needs and He will take care of me. I was saying all the right things, but it wasn’t until the day before my biopsy, as I read those words of Jesus, that I realized the truth. I had been praying and preaching to myself, but I wasn’t really trusting God to hear and answer my prayers, to be who He says He is, or to do the things He has promised. I wasn’t actually living in light of what I know intellectually to be true.
In our flesh we still battle the temptation to give in to anxiety and fear, and that is what I had done for most of the time I was experiencing this physical issue. Rather than choosing to believe and trust God, I had chosen to remain anxious, even to allow it to consume me at times. (Now, I am not talking about anxiety disorder here. I am talking about the anxious thoughts we all deal with day to day, and I’m saying that I had not made any attempt to trust God with mine.)
As I read those words, the Holy Spirit reminded me- “I am always doing something, in every circumstance of your life, even this one, even if you don’t understand it. Some day you will.” In that moment, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and the realization that I really can trust my Heavenly Father with all of my life, even the scary, uncertain parts. And that trust doesn’t always happen by default. It takes intentional effort. It takes turning away from fear and anxiety and turning to my Savior.
Jesus did not give himself up for me so that I might live as if I am not loved and cared for. His life, death and resurrection are the clearest and most beautiful demonstration of the love my Father has for me. The Creator and Sustainer of the universe also holds me in His hands. The reality of that incredible love can and should transform my response when the trials of life come my way. It should transform every thought, word and deed, through the power of the Holy Spirit in me.
I also want to say that I fully believe this moment of turning away from my anxiety and fear and to Jesus was the result of people praying for me. Only a hand full of people knew what I was going through, but almost all of them had let me know they were praying for me on multiple occasions. I know their intercession on my behalf played a part in the extra measure of grace that was given in my moment of need.
If you have put your faith in Jesus, you are not called to a life of fear and worry either. You can confidently walk in the knowledge that your Father has good plans and purposes for your life, even when the circumstances of your life feel uncertain and scary, even as we wait. He loves you, and His love is better than life.