Lead Your Teens Well

4 years. That’s how many years I have been leading our student ministry at New City Church. I never thought I’d see myself leading a “youth group.” At New City, our students (6th-12th grade) gather as a Student MC (Missional Community) where we discuss the gospel and how we can each apply it to our lives. I have definitely grown to appreciate any and all youth group leaders, youth ministers, directors, etc. You all serve and give so much. Thank you!! 

Over these past 4 years there has been a recurring attitude that I’ve seen and heard expressed. In my numerous conversations with parents, I’ve heard these words, “I know my kid should be going to youth group, but I really want him/her to WANT to go. I don’t want them to be pressured or forced to go to church.”

You may read this and think, “Hm…what’s so wrong with that? I mean, I just want them to feel comfortable and enjoy church.” First off, thank you for loving your teens well. Thank you for the desire to want your teens to want to be in church! If we’re honest, I think that is the desire of all parents. At the root of that desire, we want our students to do and be more than just good church goers. We want them to be Christ-followers, radically transformed by and growing in the glorious message of the Gospel, Christ’s life, death, and resurrection. As parents, it is our responsibility to surround our teens with the Gospel. (Deut 6:6-7) 

Digging Deeper

“I just want my teen to want to go to youth group/church. I don’t want to force church on them.” 

What is the focus in this statement?
What are we believing about who God is and who we are?
What are we believing about our children? 
What are we communicating to our teens if we say Jesus and church are optional? 

** Note that this is coming from a fairly new parent. I don’t have a teen. I have a 3 year old. I don’t have experience raising a teenager. But, I do understand the immense love for one’s own child. I understand the desire to parent and raise them well. I understand the desire for THEM to want to do something. 

I want to ask, do we see this idea anywhere else in life? What if we replaced church and youth group in that statement with school? We all agree that education is important. If you’re student didn’t feel like going to school, you wouldn’t MAKE them go to school right?…NO!!! Ha, you would make them get ready and get their butts in school, right?! Or, what if we applied this statement to music lessons, baseball practice, cross country practice…we say, “No, you are committed to this, therefore you WILL go to practice.” On a more basic level, what if your child is sick? You need to take them to see the doctor but they just feel uncomfortable being at the doctor’s office. Would you just let them stay sick without treatment?…again…NO!!! You would carry that sick child all the way to the hospital…on foot if you had to right?! See where I’m going with all this? 

So let me ask this, what makes our Sunday Church gatherings any different? What makes going to Student MC any different? What makes going to youth group any different?

Do you see the disconnect? It’s oh so very subtle…but it’s there!

Train up a child in the way he should go;
even when he is old he will not depart from it. 
Proverbs 22:6

Train up a child in the way he should go. Whatever “way” we think they should go, that is how we should train them. As those who have been redeemed by Jesus, He is the way. We train and lead our children in the ways of Jesus. By leading we help them pursue Jesus. When we sit down at the dinner table, we are leading. When we interact with strangers, we are leading. When we decide what to do with our free time, we are leading. This doesn’t mean we have to be perfect. But, it does take effort and intentionality to take every moment and point to the One who is. And you know what? It’s worth it! 

Community

Each of us is created to live in community with one another. At New City this is displayed in our Missional Communities. This is where the one another’s of scripture happen. (Col 3:12-17, Gal 6:2, 1 Thess 5:11, Heb 10:24) This is vital to our growth as believers. Our MC’s gather in peoples homes during the week. If we’re honest, sometimes it’s a struggle just to even be there on time. But, we do it because it’s good for us. It’s in this setting we discuss the gospel and how to better apply it to our lives. You are surrounded by other brothers and sisters in Christ to help point you to Jesus. 

Back to students…your students need this too! It is so important for your students to be a part of a community of their peers and adult leaders who help point them to Jesus. They need this. They need to grow in this. Often times, we tend to think that the spiritual side of things just happens. For example:

“I know I need to read the bible but I want to want to before I actually start, so I’m gonna wait.”

The Holy Spirit does work and stirs the heart but we play a huge role in our spiritual growth as well. We gather on Sunday mornings to celebrate and remind ourselves of what Christ has done. Some mornings aren’t as easy as others right? Got back into town late Saturday night, alarm didn’t go off, kids are having all the feelings right now and just aren’t cooperating, etc. Yet, it’s a discipline we pursue because it is for our good to gather with our brothers and sisters in Christ and to sing and soak in the glorious truths of the Gospel.

Lead Well

Let’s play it out, what if we were to wait for them to want to go? What if we wait for them to want to go talk about Jesus and how they can grow? Each one of us are broken, fallen, idol-pursuing, pride-filled rebels. Each of us wants our own way. Our nature is sin. Being a part of a youth group and sitting down to discuss Jesus is not our natural tendency. Only by the grace of God do we have that desire now. And so too with our teens. The opportunity to lead them is there. The motive isn’t just to look good in front of other parents or making sure they’re taking care of their cultural to-do list. It isn’t to simply drop them off either. The motive is for your student to grow and know who God is and what He has done for us and then live out of that truth. You get to lead them to that. You lead them to be a part of the youth group and to grow more like Jesus. You lead them as you pick them up and live out the gospel the rest of the 160+ hours in the week.

Parents, I urge you to urge your students to go to church. Lead them to go to youth group. This is another opportunity for them to hear the glorious news of Jesus. This is an opportunity to find community that is centered on the gospel rather than social media or smart phones. This is an opportunity for your teen to see that this faith isn’t just their parents, but it’s theirs to own and grow. This is an opportunity to learn and grow in their call to share the gospel with their friends and classmates. Lead them. Lead them well.