I Fell Off the Wagon

by Heather Perrin

This spring, New City Women hosted our first two discipleship programs, an 8-week class on How to Read the Bible, and a weekend retreat on Spiritual Disciplines. We had more than 70 women participate and were able to talk about some of the core practices of the Christian life. It was a blast.

But just this week, a friend who participated in both semi-jokingly told me, “I fell off the wagon. I started strong practicing what we learned in class and the retreat, but just fell off. I don’t know what happened.”

My friend was just observing what we’ve all experienced, the way we get off-course in life, whether we’re establishing new practices or continuing in them, but it made me think about how I react to those detours and missteps.

A couple of years ago, I wanted to take up Scripture memory again, a practice I hadn’t seriously pursued in a long time. But as I started to make my plans, a little voice reminded me of all the times I had failed. All the times I had started to memorize Scripture and then “fell off the wagon” and got distracted and didn’t follow through. I began to feel despair and think, “what’s the point?”

God graciously reminded me in that moment that spiritual disciplines, Bible study, Scripture memory - are not meant to show me how accomplished I am or how strong I am. They are actually means of grace to remind me that I need a Savior, to embed the good news of the gospel deeper in my heart. So when I “fail” in those very things, rather than hang my head in despair, I have a fresh opportunity to run to Jesus! 

In the discipleship class this spring, we talked each week about how the gospel is the foundation and the guardrails of Bible study. We read the Bible with the story of how God has rescued us from our sin always running in our minds. The whole Bible tells us that we are separated from God by our sin - our selfishness, our pride, all of the things that might cause us to feel shame, and we are hopelessly unable to fix ourselves. But God, because He is overflowing with love and compassion, pursued a wicked and wayward people. He gave His very own perfect Son to bear the punishment our sins deserve and then rose victorious over death and sin to give us eternal life with Him.

So what does that big story have to do with my supposed “failures” in reading it?

1. The gospel means I am perfectly loved and accepted by my Father. Jesus lived a perfect, sinless life on earth, and then credited His record to those who put their faith in Him. In Christ, I can do nothing to change my position with God.

2. The gospel means I have hope when I fail. While I am counted righteous before God in Christ, my life now is still marked by sin and disobedience, and that is painful. I see the new life available to me in Christ and I still fall short. But because of the gospel, I am free to run to Christ with my shortcomings and He will always forgive. I have no fear of being rejected, only welcomed and loved.

3. The gospel frees me to obey again and again. Jesus' life, death, and resurrection were costly. The God of the universe willingly gave His own life to rescue people who have nothing to offer Him. When I grasp this, it produces a desire to walk in step with what He has said - I want to obey! Paul writes in Romans, “Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? By no means!” Jesus’ sacrifice doesn’t give me license to live however I want - He calls me to give my very life to Him. And even if I fail again and again, His mercies are new every morning and I can try again knowing I am secure in Christ.

4. The gospel gives me power to obey. And this effort to obey is not in my own strength. In the gospel, God has given me His very own Spirit to help me walk with Him! I am no longer a slave to sin, I am a new creature, indwelt by the Spirit of God, and I can ask Him to help me.

5. The gospel gives me partners to help me walk in obedience. The gospel makes us family! God didn’t just save us into individual relationships with Him, He established a family, a body, of interconnected believers walking together with Him. Find a friend, a DNA group, or an MC to partner with you in whatever area you need help. Your brothers and sisters are another means of grace to live in light of the gospel.

I came away from the spiritual disciplines retreat with a new practice I wanted to incorporate into my daily life as a way to remind myself that God is with me and He is my hope and salvation—a small, simple, daily practice. I have practiced it exactly one time since we got home from the retreat.

If you, like me and my friend, have “fallen off the wagon” in any area of your walk with God, be encouraged. You are forgiven and free in Christ, fully loved and accepted because of His perfect obedience. You have nothing to fear and nothing to gain - it is all yours in Christ.

Bible study and spiritual disciplines are gifts from a good and gracious God to draw us near to Himself. They are means to know Him, to love Him, and to walk in faithfulness to Him. In the first week of the Bible class, we defined the purpose of Bible study as, “To know God intimately, to grow in love for Him, and to walk in obedience to what He says.” The goal of Bible study is the goal of the Christian life: to be transformed into Christlikeness. Not to earn a gold star or to prove anything to anyone. To know and love the God who rescued us.

Stand up and praise God for His grace to you in Christ, and ask for His help to obey today. The gospel is good news for you today, tomorrow, and for eternity. You can’t run out of grace.