Blood and Water

by Matt Cobb

We've all heard the phrase "blood is thicker than water." Most people (including me) use this to mean that familial ties are the strongest and most secure relationships, while other relationships may come and go. 

Did you know that the original quote says "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb"? Boy! That really flips it on its head. The full quote means that the relationships you form yourself are far more important than the ones you were born into. Interesting.

About 7 years ago, my family lost my father to cancer. He was a great man - full of life and energy. My mother, sisters, and I always took for granted his ability to hold us together, almost like our familial glue.

After he passed, it took a while for the effects to show, but slowly the foundation of our close-knit family began to crack. Over time, we've faced pain, disagreements, and distance in these family relationships - some of which we are still wading through. These family ties are painful, yet they are relationships that I will continue to fight for.

But God

We see the true meaning of the above quote beautifully in our relationship with God. While we are not "blood relatives" with Jesus, he shed His blood so that we could be restored to the family of God (Colossians 1:20). We, as believers, have been adopted as a son or daughter of God because of what Christ accomplished on our behalf (1 John 3:1-2). Those who share a father are called brothers and sisters. Family.

How many times have I used a sibling's failure against them in the heat of an argument? Or had my own shortcomings painfully revealed? In the family of God, we learn that God's love for us is not dependent on our successes or our failures but on the perfect work of Christ. This opens us up to face our brothers and sisters in the same way.

In the church, we step into relationship with a family of brothers and sisters who have also been adopted by God. We make a covenant with God to love and follow Him, and we become a part of a covenant community with that as the central goal.

Ephesians 1:4-5 reads,

“For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blames in his sight. In love, He predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his please and will.” 

God knew. God knew that because of sin, because of the Fall, there would be broken families. In His love for us, He humbled Himself to that of a baby, a man who was sent to serve, not be served. A Savior who loved and cared for us unceasingly. In this, He not only restored us to our Father, but created a new family of brothers and sisters. He knew that we would need others. We would need community to do this crazy thing called life. 

Recently in our missional community (what we call our small groups), we had someone share that they have loved watching the fathers in the group parent their children. They had grown up and did not enjoy the “picture of fatherhood” that their father displayed. So their idea of “father” was broken. However, as their faith has grown, matured, and been nurtured by the Holy Spirit, they realized that the lens they were looking through was an earthly one, not an eternal one. God, the Father is Good. He is Love. He is Just. He is Righteous.

While we do experience pain and brokenness in our earthly families, God is a perfect Father, and He is making all things new. There will come a day when the scars of familial pain are healed fully and forever.

I’ve walked through this situation with my wife, individually and collectively with my sisters, and my MC has prayed for me. All throughout this walk (and it is a path that I have struggled down), it has been a sobering, yet encouraging reminder that while I love each member of my family and will forever no matter the struggles we face, I have a family of believers that will also suffice for me while on this Earth. Don’t get me wrong: my chosen family will never take the place of my biological family. But my family in Christ should do all the same things you expect from your family: support you in your struggles, celebrate your triumphs, and mostly importantly, point you towards the Gospel. 

I leave you with these helpful words from the Psalmist:

“But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him, and his righteousness to children's children, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments” (Psalm 103:17-18).

No matter what your background or view of “family” is, the Church needs you. Maybe you come from an amazing family dynamic. Guess what? We need more people like you to show others who may not have had that chance. Maybe you, like my dear friend in my MC, come from a background with a broken family and don’t understand what true familial love looks like. Come join us. We believers are still a hardheaded, sinful bunch. But we can love big. The Gospel truly changes everything. It can change how you view family. And we are excited to welcome you into ours, just as He welcomes us.